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Oddman Offline
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Jazzper-11 Wrote:I'm gonna take a gamble and save that one for after work... =)

Even though it has more porn stars than your average visit to camwhores.com, it's totally SFW, so feel free to watch it.

Unless you really get off on adult video stars playing RPGs; I can imagine the expression on your coworkers' faces when you, erm, lose it.
19-03-2010 18:47:04
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SageGenesis Offline
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Since not everybody knows what the game "Exalted" is all about, this is a summary that is 100% accurate. It's long but worth it.


Some dude on rpgnet Wrote:Here's a history of the setting of Exalted, which may answer a bunch of questions and put things into perspective all at once.

Once upon the time, in the formless twisting chaos of the Wyld, there appeared the Primordials. The Primordials are impossibly vast alien beings with multiple souls. Imagine if Cthulhu was the size of Asia and you meet and hold conversations with his kidneys, which had seperate identities, and you kinda get the idea.

"The formless chaos that spawned us sucks," said the Primordials. "Let's build someplace cool to live, rather than hang out here!"

And so they did. They made Creation, and nailed it down with the Elemental Poles of Earth, Air, Wood, Fire, and Water.

"This place isn't gonna maintain itself," said the Primordials. "Let's make a bunch of servants to run the place for us! We'll give them intelligence, free will, and hopes and dreams, and then keep them as slaves for eternity! It'll be great!" And so they made the gods. Some gods, such as the Unconquered Sun, Luna, and the Maidens, were built to be exceedingly cool and do lots; others were built to do stuff like make sure individual shrubs grew properly.

"Huzzah!" said the Primordials. "We have people to do the dirty work of running the place for us! Let's spend half our time playing the impossibly awesome Games of Divinity, and the other half running amok!" And so they did.

"This sucks," said the gods, after moving the Elemental Pole of Fire back into place for the 700th time after one of the Primordials went on a drinking binge and knocked it loose, causing untold thousands of deaths and nearly causing Creation to fall back into the Wyld. "We should kill those assholes and take their stuff."

"Ha ha!" said the Primordials. "You can't kill us! When we built you, we programmed you so you could never attack us! Suck it, bitches!"

So the Unconquered Sun, who is the God of Awesome, came up with a plan. "Let's take those little mortal humans down there and give them incredible power. Then we can have them kill the Primordials, and then we can get at their Games of Divinity and play them ourselves!" So they developed Essence Shards, which are sort of like an additional component to the human soul that lets you do magic and super kung fu. Then they picked out the coolest people in Creation and instilled these Essence Shards in them.

"Are you planning on using those Exalted mortals to kill my asshole brothers and sisters and take their stuff?" asked Autocthon, who was just about the only Primordial on the side of the gods, because most of the time it was his stuff that the other Primordials were breaking when they ran amok. Plus they made fun of him all the time.

"Um...no," said the gods.

"Gee, that's too bad. I was gonna hook them up with ultimate weapons of Primordial-slaying destruction, but since you're not rebelling and all..."

"Oh, in that case, yes. Yes, we are."

Meanwhile, Luna, goddess of the moon, managed to sweet-talk her Primordial hippy sugar mama Gaia into not fighting during the rebellion. "I'll do that thing with my tongue," Luna promised.

"We have granted you the power to be totally awesome!" said the gods to their Exalted. "Now, go kill those Primordial assholes!"

"Aww, isn't that cute," said the Primordials. "Those little humans think they can OH SHIT THEY'RE STABBING ME OW OW OW!" Half of them died.

"Don't kill us!" said the other half.

"Now you have to be our slaves for forever, ha ha ha!" said the gods, and then sewed them all up inside the stomach of the head Primordial, Malfeas. (Malfeas got turned inside-out and sewn into his own stomach, too.)

"You guys suck," said the Primordials to the Exalted. "We hereby curse you so that you'll all turn into assholes someday!"

"Whatever," said the Exalted.

"Well, now that that's over," said the Unconquered Sun, who had since declared himself King of All Cosmos, "Let's go play the Games of Divinity all day! You folks we Exalted, you guys can run the world. Make sure none of our lamer siblings start acting stupid. Make sure I get plenty of prayers coming my way. Other than that, have fun!"

"Hey, I feel kinda guilty for helping kill my brothers and sisters and enslaving the rest," said Autocthon. I'm gonna leave Creation to go brood for a few hundred thousand years."

"Have fun!" said the gods.

So the Exalted - particularly the Solars - ran the world. Having been cool to begin with and then granted badassitude by the God of Awesome, they proceeded to do all sorts of cool stuff, like build magical cities out of glass, make mountains float, and breed dinosaurs who pissed heroin.

Eventually, though, the Solars got bored and jaded and full of themselves. "We killed the Primordials and made all this cool stuff. Everything we do must therefore be right. Let's run amok!" And so they did.

"This sucks," said the Sidereals, whose job it is to make sure that the Loom of Fate, which is sort of the engine that runs Creation, doesn't crash. "At the rate they're going, they're gonna wreck Creation. Let's kill them and take their stuff!"

"Hey, we need your help," the Sidereals said to the Dragon-Blooded, who were the least-powerful but most numerous of the Exalted, who acted as lieutenants and aides and local governers and such. "Your asshole Solar bosses are gonna wreck the world. Can you help us kill them?"

"Figures they'd end up doing something like that. Sure, we'll help," said the Dragon-Blooded.

"Come to our big dinner banquet!" said the Sidereals to the Solars. Then, when the Solars arrived, the Sidereals blew the place up, and trapped the Solar's Essence Shards in a magic cage so that no more Solars could be created.

"Yay, it worked!" said the Sidereals. "We'll erase all evidence of our existence and run the world from behind the scenes, while the Dragon-Blooded can do the dirty work!"

Meanwhile, the ghosts of the dead Primordials caught a 13 of the dead Solar's ghosts on the way down into the Underworld. "Work for us," they said, "and we'll give you incredible power, like what you had when you were alive!"

"What's the catch?" asked the ex-Solar ghosts.

"Well, you have to be our slaves and try to make everything, everywhere, die forever."

"Deal! Let's get cracking!" And so were created the Deathlords, super-powerful ghosts who want the world to die.

So while the Dragon-Blooded were doing a fairly good (although not nearly as impressive as the Solars) job of running Creation, the Deathlords were building a doomsday plague.

"Taste the bitter poison mixed from the ashes of our hopes and the tears of betrayal in the dark pit of our tortured souls!" said the Deathlords, presumably while wearing too much eyeliner, and unleashed their doomsday plague into Creation.

"This sucks," said 90% of the people in the world, and died.

"Hey," said the Deathlords to the Fair Folk, who lived in the Wyld outside of Creation and didn't like the idea of a place that didn't just change according to their thoughts. "Just about everyone in there's dead now. If you went in, ate the souls of the survivors, and tore the place down, no one could stop you!"

"Thanks for the heads up!" said the Fair Folk, and promptly invaded in force.

"This is bad," said one of the surviving Dragon-Blooded to her friends. "Fortunately, I just remembered that there's a sealed-off control center for ultimate magical doomsday weapons that the Solars made for defending Creation against exactly this sort of thing. Let's go on an epic world-saving quest to get in there!"

"OK!" they agreed.

And so they went. Most died trying to get past the defenses, but eventually, two of them finally made it to the control panel.

"Please insert soul to activate this device," said the control panel.

"What does that mean?" asked one, and then the other shoved her into the soul-extraction device.

And so this unnamed Dragon-Blooded gained access to Creation's greatest magical weapons systems and used them to blow up the Fair Folk.

"I hereby declare myself the Scarlet Empress and ruler of the world," she said.

"Nuh uh!" said some, until she blew them up. This brought lots more people over to her side, and thus was born the Realm, which is the major power in the world today.

Still, some said, "You were just a lieutenant who got lucky and stumbled across some doomsday weapons. We still have some doomsday weapons of our own, and we'll fight back!" The Scarlet Empress wanted to blow them up, too, but a lot of her weapons didn't reach and she was kind of afraid of a Mutally Assured Destruction scenerio, so, despite the occasional invasion attempt, they remained independant.

And so things went for over 750 years, until fairly recently, when the Scarlet Empress just up and disappeared. Having named no successor, the entire Realm is now leaderless and gearing up for civil war to see who's gonna be the next one on the Scarlet Throne.

Meanwhile, the Deathlords discovered where the Sidereals had stashed their cage full of Solar shards. "Hey, we can warp those and use them to create our own invincible deathknights!" they said. "Let's go get that cage!" Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for everyone else), half of the Essence Shards got loose. Now, once again, there are Solar Exalted.

And that's where the game begins.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
08-04-2010 16:43:21
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JLT* Offline
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That game sounds like a lot of fun ^_^

Maybe I can play an Abyssal someday Grin

"I think I'll have seconds.."

-Chronomangor; Eater of Time. ∞
08-04-2010 17:51:16
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goldylox Offline
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Wooot,

so damn true ^^

Looking at it like this, I would actually would like to play again ^^

Miew mriewiew mrrr mriew prrrr!!!
08-04-2010 19:57:51
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SageGenesis Offline
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goldylox Wrote:Looking at it like this, I would actually would like to play again ^^

...

C'mere, let me show you something.

These are the complete stats of D&D 4e Vecna, ancient powerful badass who knows everything: http://j.imagehost.org/0135/Vecna.jpg

Really, that's all of it. Equipment, stats, powers, the whole shebang.

Ok?

Now this is an page of Chejop Kejak (edited in such a way as to only show his Charms and his picture), who takes up a similar position in the game as Vecna does: http://j.imagehost.org/0969/Chejopcharm.jpg

Yeah. You want to play? Good idea, but don't ask me to do it. Not with the rules system White Wolf made for it anyway.

(By the way, you may note that the Charms are just listed alphabetically instead of per ability. The best thing is that these Charms are not even from the same book as Chejop's stats are in.)

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
08-04-2010 21:03:22
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goldylox Offline
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That's a....long list ^^

It's not that I like the system, but the way the world is correctly described up there makes me want to play in such a setting and mood Wink

Miew mriewiew mrrr mriew prrrr!!!
09-04-2010 06:10:35
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voh Online
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The world was never the problem, it was the insane rules all the way Tongue

robindevoh.com - NaNoWriMo prep & onwards, writin's the main topic.
09-04-2010 08:22:11
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scroipt Offline
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Belphanior Wrote:(...)
These are the complete stats of D&D 4e Vecna, ancient powerful badass who knows everything: http://j.imagehost.org/0135/Vecna.jpg
(...)

If this is a medium immortal, how badass is a hard one? ;-P

`Je n'avais pas besoin de cette hypothèse-là' --Pierre-Simon, Marquis de Laplace
09-04-2010 10:57:55
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SageGenesis Offline
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Some more D&D humor, today we look at some peculiarities of the 3e rules.

Quote:"This always works in the movies"
The MM says that staking a vampire kills them, but there are no called shot rules and undead aren't subject to coup-de-grace. So you can't actually stake them.

"We don't need thumbs here in the Abyss"
By the MM errata, all outsiders with an Int of 6 or higher are proficient with all martial weapons. This includes Hellhounds, Howlers, and Nightmares, among other quadrapeds.

"You backwoods Dwarves still dig, what ever for?"
Wall of Iron produces real iron as an instant spell (so it can't be dispelled and is non-magical) and by the price guidelines on PHB 96 & 114 and the Avaibility guidelines on DMG 137, you can hire a wizard to cast a spell that produces roughly 1800 gp worth of iron for only 500 gp in any small town or larger settlement. And yet iron mining supposedly exists in the game world.

"Like, you know, like that.. an stuff... anat, right?"
Simulacrum produces a creature that has among other traits 51-60% of the "speech" of the original. Does that mean that it leaves random words out of ... or do it just use small words when talk?

"All the commoners round here always die off at the same time every year"
The extreme heat/extreme cold rules render much of the real world uninhabitable as everyone in Fairbanks in winter or Phoenix in summer takes enough subdual damage to render them unconscious in just a few hours.

"But I'm as strong as Heracles, made my save, and was carrying a Spade of Digging.."
Regardless of size, strength, tools on hand or reflex save result, anyone caught in the bury zone of an avalanche is pinned and must wait to be rescued rather than being able to dig their own way out.

"So that's what those pointy bits do..."
The 20th level Expert Trapmaker with Search, Profession: Trapmaker, Craft: Trapmaking, Knowledge: Famous Traps and Knowledge: Magical Traps all maxed out at 23 ranks, cannot attempt to find a trap if the Search DC is over 20, but the 1st level rogue with none of those skills can.

"I know he fled into the woods, but first, we'll check at the inn"
A Successful Wilderness lore role to Track lets you track somebody for up to 1 mile indoors, and in fact you get to retry more frequently indoors than outdoors.

"................................ouch."
Since according to PHB 121, free actions can only be performed while taking another action, and since you can only take an action on your initiative, and since by Table 8-4 on PHB 128, "Speak" is a free action: By a strict reading of the rules, you must wait until your next action to cry out in pain after being hit in combat.

"Wall of Orca"
Running away from someone? Need to block a passage? Well, have we got a solution for you! Summon Monster V allows you to summon a celestial orca. The critter has (on average) 85 hit points and it can thrash around and attack anyone trying to get through. Much better than a wall of stone. (And, since it just goes back to its home plane when it "dies," you don't really have to feel all that bad.)

"I'm not exactly feeling myself today, and neither am I"
A small spellcaster with a tiny familiar can use Polymorph Self to turn back into himself. And he can use Share Spells to have his familiar also turn back into "himself" at the same time. There aren't many spells that specifically allow you to break the normal constraints English grammar has on reflexive pronouns.

"Wow, I didn't realize dragons beer-goggled that heavily"
The various "half-" templates can be applied to any corporeal creature (alignment permitting). This includes oozes, plants and even constructs.

"I never Meta-magic I didn't like."
Silent Power Word, Kill.
Still Burning Hands.
How?

"Transmute Rock to Stone"
'Type: elemental' provides immunity only to poisons, sleep, paralysis, stunning and critical hits. So it is still possible for a Gorgon, Medusa, Cockatrice or Basilisk to petrify an Earth Elemental.

"Trees; you can chop 'em down, but you can't change 'em with magic"
As per MM 6, plants are immune to polymorphing. Presumably this includes Polymorph any Object, even though the spell description uses "vegetable" as a classifier.

"So much dropping a GP off the Empire State building"
An arrow fired from a bow or flung via Telekinesis deals 1d6 or more damage, yet the same arrow dropped from a great height can never deal any damage, since it weighs less than one pound (DMG 89, column 2)

"I command you to fall down and crush my enemies"
Conversely, a Greater Earth Elemental that falls 10' does 270d6 points of crushing damage to everything under it (conceivably a 35' x 10' area). Since the first ten feet of a drop is subdual damage, to which elementals are immune, they can make this ten-foot drop without so much as a scratch .

"Azathoth's Gibbering Explained??"
Deities are capable of casting Contact Other Plane to converse with themselves - but they "resent such intrusion" and even have a flat percentage chance of lying to themselves.

"Mad cat!"
A house cat, accoring to the MM, can deal 3 damage with two claws and a bite. (Minimum damage is 1 HP for an attack.) And a peasant has 1d4 HP. So don't tick off kitty!

"It's Big, It's Heavy, It's Wood!"
Since a club costs 0 gp, a Limited Wish spell can create an infinite number of clubs, causing the plane to collapse into a black hole.

"Why yes, I did bring weapons for the entire army"
Since the sling has both cost 0 and weight 0, and you can generally find ordinary stones for free, there is no mechanical reason not to carry a few million around in case you need to arm a peasant uprising.

"Dagger, Greatclub it's about the same"
The MM errata failed to amend the Tarrasque's Swallow Whole ability to mention the usual stipulation that you can only cut your way out with a "light slashing or piercing weapon".

"If the horses ever catch on, we're in trouble"
A whip cannot even deal subdual damage to any creature with a +3 or better natural armor bonus. This includes all horses, which makes you wonder about coachmen and the use of riding crops.

"It's all in the trunk"
Dire Elephants, as described in MotW, have a +23 skill bonus to Climb, and are listed as having speed 40 ft., Climb 10.

"It's Not So Good Up Close When They're Standing Still"
Although it ignores armor (as it normally requires only a ranged touch attack to hit), and is specifically noted as creating a "magical arrow", Melf's Acid Arrow cannot be used to perform a Coup de Grace against an adjacent foe in the manner a normal bow can (PHB 133). For that matter, neither can a sling, although a hand crossbow works just fine.

"Never trust a used weapon salesman"
Despite the really cool part about the ability not allowing a saving throw, that's just clever advertising intended to distract you from the fact that the complete destruction effect of a Mace of Smiting only functions when you deal a critical hit to a construct - which are not subject to the effects of critical hits.

And watch out for those vorpal weapons too, they have to be fabricated using a spell that doesn't exist in 3rd edition.

"Butter-fingered Balors"
Balor's vorpal sword is only a +1 weapon... This means that it's almost entirely useless vs most other demons and devils. Why don't they simply get a +5 keen or defending weapon? Is that so that they don't accidently cut themselves?

"He's just faking it..."
Despite being blind, Grimlocks have a Spot check of +3.

"Class-ical Blunders"
Apprentice-level paladins have lay on hands as a class ability, but have an effective level of 0.

Wizards, druids, and monks do not have Unarmed Strike as a weapon proficiency and the druid loses all abilities for 24 hours if she tries to punch someone, or if she Wild Shapes into an animal and bites them.

A Cleric with the Water Domain can turn Fire Creatures like a normal cleric turns Undead. So Clerics with the Water Domain can turn Red Dragons. In fact, the only dragons that cannot be turned are white, the weakest of all colors.

"Forget stone, build my castle out of dwarves!"
The disintegrate spell cast on an object will destroy 10 cubic feet of matter, no saving throw allowed. The same spell will only affect one dwarf, who the caster must hit first with a touch attack roll, and still gets a saving throw.

"In the eye of the beholder"
Hill Giants are described as "oddly simian", who "seldom wash" and carry "filthy, and stinky" possesions. Cloud Giants are "handsome" and "well-defined" who wear "the finest clothing available." Hill Giants have a charisma of 17; Cloud Giants have a 13.


Also check out Peasant Railgun.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
15-04-2010 11:35:30
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SageGenesis Offline
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The new world order is out to get you. Fight the global conspiracy!

Wait what? How come there's a conspiracy theory in the rpg section? Well... this gentleman thinks the Technocracy is behind it all. The same Technocracy from Mage: the Ascension, the old World of Darkness game that's been out of print since 2004.

Well, kudos to White Wolf for writing such a convincing antagonist I suppose.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
22-05-2010 13:19:15
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SageGenesis Offline
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I lol'd

[Image: 1275655238881.jpg]

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
04-06-2010 14:57:22
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nar Offline
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have y'all seen this?

Penny Arcade's D&D in the Elemental Chaos part 2 (where Gabe describes the actual gameplay)
Penny Arcade's D&D in the Elemental Chaos part 1 (where Gabe describes how he prepared for this session)

not on purpose i read part 2 first, you may want to do the same. it's cool to read about the session first and the construction behind it second.

i feel so terribly out of my league now. Grin

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
06-07-2010 13:57:27
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SageGenesis Offline
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Having no 9-to-5 job and yet a lot of disposable income does help with that sort of thing.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
06-07-2010 14:58:11
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nar Offline
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those are the exact words that passed through my mind when i read the articles.

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
06-07-2010 15:02:45
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SageGenesis Offline
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This one's for Wolf it seems...

[Image: Laundry%20RPG%20cover%20promo.jpg]

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
13-08-2010 12:38:25
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wolfy Offline
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Belphanior Wrote:This one's for Wolf it seems...

[Image: Laundry%20RPG%20cover%20promo.jpg]
I needsss it!

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Shusen.net weblog like thingie Smile.
14-08-2010 07:24:54
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wolfy Offline
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And ordered.

When I have received it, and read through it, I want to run at least one session. But I'll figure out the details after Lowlands Wink

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18-08-2010 21:04:34
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SageGenesis Offline
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I guess this is what a natural 1 looks like...

[Image: 856_964.gif]

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
25-08-2010 13:32:38
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nar Offline
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shit, it's a good thing doofus there missed. i'll bet a kick to the back o the head hurts like a bitch!

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
25-08-2010 14:07:06
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wolfy Offline
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I have the PDF off the Laundry. Don't expect to hear anything from me until at least friday night Tongue

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
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08-09-2010 16:29:49
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SageGenesis Offline
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Wow. Blast from the past again.

Fabled Lands is getting its own RPG.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
16-09-2010 23:51:40
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SageGenesis Offline
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WotC is cruel. How could any D&D player answer this question?!

[Image: ZDR8s.jpg]

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
27-10-2010 15:52:11
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nar Offline
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hahahahahahaha! Grin oh the sweet sweet cruelty!

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
27-10-2010 16:01:17
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AlfaGirl Offline
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^^

"MacGyver" is the equivalent of Vulcan vintage human horror television.
31-10-2010 13:04:15
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nar Offline
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feast your eyes on the newest development in dicing technology!

Behold!

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
04-11-2010 10:13:42
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float: right;