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nar · 09-05-2009 15:13:58

that was so frustrating that i can only pray that none of our sessions are remotely similar to what those dudes get up to in that garage. wow.

**voh** · 09-05-2009 15:21:24

I concur.

**SageGenesis** · 23-05-2009 10:11:18

Hey, you know that in the old Werewolf: the Apocalypse RPG there was a law that werewolves were forbidden from mating with eachother? The product of such a union would be called a "metis" in their language, and it would be warped and inbred and a big taboo.

And this is why metis are a bad idea.

**voh** · 23-05-2009 12:21:58

Yeah, uhh, I can sorta see how that would complicate things.

I like how when they all 'howl', one of them just goes "PFFFLRRRTLRLRLT!".

**SageGenesis** · 02-06-2009 12:32:57

Geist is giving up its secrets.

[quote]
Geist Preview for 6/1/09
Posted: 2009-06-01

On the broadest scale, the obvious theme of Geist is death. The Sin-Eaters are born when they die; the dead cry out for their help or come storming in to menace them and their loved ones. But humanity deals with death in countless ways, and addresses it through countless metaphors.

Among the many aspects of death as a theme is that of transition. We speak of it in terms of boundaries and doors.

**SageGenesis** · 27-06-2009 12:22:27

Copy-pasting this from RPGnet on the topic "worst plotlines ever." Some of those were just too horrendous and/or funny to not share.

Quote:NPC saves the day, the world, and yer butts. Then mocks you.

Quote:Terrorists (or worse, kidnappers) who have no actual demands. The GM just put them there to be killed by the PCs.

Bad Guys: "We've kidnapped your wife!"
Me: "OK, what do you want? What are you asking for her safe return?"
Our GM: "Huh? What? What do you mean?"
*sigh*

Quote:Find the Macguffin. Tracking down who has the Macguffin and whether it's real, without tipping your hand, is difficult and requires lots of planning and effort and hours of game time. When the pc's finally get the Macguffin/realize they can't get the Macguffin, a couple of other NPC's steal it! Now the PC's have to chase them down, beat them up, and take the Macguffin! Now the PC's finally have the Macguffin...

...and they find out it's a worthless forgery, which was only offered as a plot by a powerful hidden NPC to "test" the PC's, to see if they would make good pawns for later.

In other words, if the PC's refuse to participate in the plot AT ALL and just sit around in a bar all night, they are actually BETTER OFF. If they actually participate in the plot, in good faith--SUCKERS!

It's EVEN WORSE if the PC's have to first find another smaller Macguffin (or just get one delivered to them anonymously) that leads them to the big worthless Macguffin.

"Paper Chase" from Succubus Club for Vampire 1st Edition, I'm looking right at you, you skanky cheating bastard.

Quote:"Someone has kidnapped the Princess!"

"...And now it's your problem!"

Quote:My first Shadowrun experience:

GM: This is a one shot, you can pick any of the pregens from the book.
Me: I'd like to see what system can handle, would the pistol adept be okay?
GM: Yes, it'll be fine.

Usual get to the bar, get a mission thing. It involves getting access to a warehouse, hacking a computer and getting out. 5000$
And an extra 10000$ if not a single shot is fired....

Turns out the thing has an electric barbed wire fence, a dozen heavily armed guards, an alarm system on everything, camera surveillance and a wizard sending elementals on patrol.

Oh and throwing lightning bolts was fine.

Quote:Vampire: the Masquerade games run by undead fetishists. I don't care what the plot is, officially. Around the time the combat monster gets killed by the Prince for some minor disrespect and the player gets handed a pregen Tzimice catgirl I lose all interest. I can't conceive of a reason why we need to talk to a npc and learn that the big bad of the campaign is a Tzimice with thirteen phali arranged in a circle on his crotch.

Quote:The worst for me always have an underlying sense of "Continuity? Setting? Rules? Bah! Mere trivialities to a Master Storyteller such as myself. You want story? I've got more story than you can handle!" Examples that keep recurring:

Like a Geas, Only It Sucks More

1. A plague is tearing through the countryside. It is mysteriously immune to cure disease spells, potions, prayers, and the numerous other means your fantasy society uses to handle this sort of problem three times before lunch. Only a Quest for three particular Ancient and Powerful Artifacts (which no one has so much as heard of before today) can Undo the Evil of this Dread Pestilence. A sage said it, so it must be true.

2. A Buried Tomb of Ancient and Terrible Evil has somehow resurfaced. It's stone doors can not be opened with rock to mud spells, acid, lock picks, or the numerous other means your fantasy society uses to handle this sort of problem before lunch. Only a Quest for the Rod of Entendres and the Babbling Bauble of Barf, which no one has blah, blah, blah. A sage said so.

3. The King has been Laid Low by an Assassin's Terrible Poison, which is mysteriously immune to stay the poison spells, yadda, yadda, yadda, sage.

But First, You Must Prove Yourself

The world is Doomed! Only this one band of Noble Heroes can Quest for the Ancient- Jesus H. Christ, sage already! Until at last, the party reaches the saint, ancient oak, dragon, or god who alone has the power to prevent the end of the world, and it can't be fucking bothered. But if the PCs solve a crossword puzzle, fold its laundry, and herd sheep across a chessboard trap, it will realize that the world is Worth Saving After All, and the PCs may finally get their experience points.

It's Not Absurdity! It's Backstory!

A polar bear walked ten miles south, ten miles east, and ten miles north, where it came to a bridge. There it met a sage's evil twin trying to cross with a cabbage, a goat that always told the truth, and a wolf that always lied about where they buried the survivors. At the far end of the bridge was a finely-balanced scale, which could only be used three times eight queens placed on a chessboard so that none were threatening the arch-lich, who was at that moment engaged in a titanic ritual to determine which of the nine coins was a counterfeit. After the maid, who as fate would have it received a mis-addressed letter for the butterfly, took off from the train traveling west at 80 miles per hour to return to the spot where it started, the general, being hard of hearing, realized that he couldn't be hanged at noon on the seventh day, because manhole covers are round.

And that is why you, the PCs, are the only ship in the sector. Only you can tell us if the light is on or off.

Quote:GENOM....

Players: Ok, we're a hard core group of mercenaries who accept jobs from Corps...
GM: Ok, you're hired by GENOM to eliminate a terrorist cell- the Knight Sabers who of course recruit you to instead take on GENOM...

Players: Let's try this again... We're all playing a group of cops...
GM: ... Who are investigating Boomer crimes... The crimes lead you to suspect that GENOM is behind replacing humans with Boomers. GENOM has now targetted you and your only hope is the terrorist cell known as the Knight Sabers...

Players: ... Sigh.... Okay, we're a military group involved in a small scale war...
GM: ... Planned by GENOM to test out their new model combat Boomer....

Players: Forget it... We're a rock band...
GM: Your concert is disrupted by a boomer attack. The Knight Sabers show up and...

**SageGenesis** · 28-07-2009 18:37:44

50-page quickstart pdf of the new Geist RPG.

**SageGenesis** · 29-07-2009 11:52:03

Behold! The ultimate picture that describes what roleplaying games are like.

Click to see, as it's too big for the forum to display in all its glory.

It really says it all, doesn't it? You have basically three choices:
* Hot Chick.
* Rugged Man.
* Exotic Stranger.

And then they come up with plans that are fucking stupid.

Jazzper-11 · 29-07-2009 16:23:19

the hell?...

**SageGenesis** · 04-08-2009 23:49:03

A fight in D&D 3e looks like THIS

Notice it has two samurai, two pale elf-guys, and they fight against uh... two... ettercaps? in front of an altar.

A fight in D&D 4e looks like THIS

Notice it has one samurai rocking out on guitar, one samurai warping space and time by its charge, one pale elf-guy, one batman, EXPLOSIONS and LIGHTNING! And they fight against five ettercaps, A SHARK, two nearly-naked chicks, and a velociraptor in front of an altar.

FUCK YEAH!

nar · 05-08-2009 11:36:38

you realize that i will be expecting nothing less than that second pic this weekend Tongue

i especially want a shark. the mostly naked chicks can ride it.

**voh** · 05-08-2009 19:44:57

And voh will ride the naked chicks. His heritage compels him to.

nar · 06-08-2009 10:09:59

yesssssss

Jazzper-11 · 06-08-2009 10:20:42

though, aren't the nearly naked chicks from a picture of third?
I dunno, they just seem familliar...

**SageGenesis** · 06-08-2009 10:26:51

Yes, the nymph. All art in there is from 3e because it's done with mapping software made for that edition. Well... "all" art... the second one has some heavy shopping going on. Wink