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The way of kung fu is hard
SageGenesis Offline
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The way of kung fu is hard
This topic shall serve as a platform, on which I put all kinds of things that are useful to Legends of the Wulin and/or Weapons of the Gods.

First of all, I've been doing a "Wherein I Watch" for a while now over on RPGnet, although it's only very sporadic. Basically I watch a show called Return of the condor heroes and write down my thoughts as they come to me. However, I intentionally write in an irreverent and misunderstanding manner, fully pretending to be way more ignorant on the genre than I am. (This is for comic effect.)

The thread in question is here.

It is amusing and educational. Check it out some time.

As an example, here's my take on the first episode.


Quote:Episode 1

Opening credits, haunting choir stuff over calm music. A woman sings stuff in Chinese that sounds wonderfully poetic - I assume. The English translation sounds a bit odd to most of us I'd say.

Clouds. We zoom in to a scene of poor cgi. A mansion near a lake.

We look at the lake/mansion cgi for almost an entire minute now!

Oh wait, somebody's running. Perhaps she brings Plot with her?

She attacks some lilies on the lake and the mansion. I guess she also got bored. Oh snap! Now there's bloody hand prints all over the place!

The inhabitants check it out and figure this is the work of one "Li Mo Chou, the Serpent Fairy." They make her sound like a hardcore villain.

The hand prints are a warning. It's her way of saying that she's going to kill you. What a polite lady!

Father gives a handkerchief to a young girl, saying it'll protect her from the bad woman. But he doesn't give it to his own daughter, he gives it to the girl who's staying over. Harsh.

The kids decide to share the handkerchief. Will it still work if it's torn in half? Hell, how's the thing supposed to work at all?

It's night, and Li Mo Chou infiltrates the house. She lights all the candles in the room by twirling around, a sign of powerful internal energies! Apparently.

What? Ok... Mom and Dad attack, and they stab right at her eyes. Then an inch away everything stops and Li Mo Chou steps out of the way. It's like bullet time without the bullet time, it just looks as if the attackers sort of give up halfway.

Li Mu Chou walks over candle flames! O_O I don't know what these people are fighting about, but I'm rooting for her.

They fight. She kicks their asses.

It seems Li Mo Chou is after the brother of Father, and wants him to love her. She attempts to accomplish this by murdering his in-laws and burning down their house. Man, the only people who make worse plans than that are PCs.

The scene changes to a young boy with a chicken. His moronic song makes him sound like a mouth breather and I hate him after only two seconds of screen time.

The two girls with the handkerchief are nearby, fleeing together with a guy they call Uncle Geng.

Li Mo Chou appears, Uncle Geng immediately attacks without even hearing her out, and gets his dumb ass killed as she transforms her brush into a stream of cgi tunneling through his stomach. Woops!

She makes a grab for the kids, but the handkerchief casts Flashback, causing her to become stunned for the round.

She decides to kill them both just the same (thanks a lot handkerchief!) but the boy gets involved now. And after that a kung fu santa also appears on the scene. This is one densely populated forest at night! Just the same, the Serpent Fairy gets driven off by children and an old man.

Then another person appears on the scene, calling out for the boy who turns out to be called Yang Guo. The scene changes abruptly, and now we're with Yang Guo (aka Guo'er) and some guy called Guo Jing. As they talk it's explained he's sort of adopted him and is now sending the kid off to some monastery. Because he knows an evil kung fu called Toad Skill. Alright.

The monastery of Quan Zhen Sect... is under attack! Guo Jing rushes off to help, but he's mistaken for an invader and they attack despite his sincere pleas for peace. Man, this is where you're sending the kid to? Are you sure? Just the same, he's mastered cgi fighting and defeats like a hundred guys at once.

Finally he's recognized and he gets to talk to some people in charge, where the Mongolian attackers also show up. Guo Jing duels their leader and naturally mops the floor with him, causing the Mongolians to pack up their stuff and leave. I guess their hearts just weren't that much into it. Instead they go scream a bit at a cave, but all they do is piss off some bees. (Li Mo Chou is now also here, explaining to her own disciple that whomever lives in the cave is her Junior. They seem to want to steal some secret kung fu stored in there.)

Yang Guo is accepted into Quan Zhen Sect, where he makes a bloody nuisance out of himself. He talks back to his teachers, is lazy, and urinates over one of his seniors while giggling like an imbecile.

And in case you didn't know... this is the protagonist of our story.

And we end with a cliffhanger of epic kung fu (read: a boy pissing on a sleeping man) as the first episode fades into the ending credits.

Wow. We're in for one hell of a ride people.


Final thoughts:
* Li Mo Chou is a complete badass, but she suffers from villain decay within minutes of appearing.
* There are more deus ex machinas in forests than there are trees.
* Peeing over a sleeping man is heroic.
* And speaking of which, when people said "good material for Weapons of the Gods" I hope they didn't mean that scene, otherwise I've been doing it wrong for years.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
27-01-2011 23:07:06
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nar Offline
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The way of kung fu is hard
hahaha, nice read ^^

raptor magnificus
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i am a motherfucking ray of goddamn sunshine, i am.
28-01-2011 10:31:33
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JLT* Offline
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The way of kung fu is hard
leuk Smile

Meer! Hoeveel afleveringen zijn er? Ik wil ze best kijken nadat je alle updates gemaakt hebt ^_^

"I think I'll have seconds.."

-Chronomangor; Eater of Time. ∞
28-01-2011 11:33:50
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SageGenesis Offline
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The way of kung fu is hard
I'm currently up to episode 29. The show is a mixture of super-badass awesome things... mixed with really weird nonsensical stuff and bizarre Chinese CGI. I do quite like it though.

Edit:
There's 41 episode in this series, although it's the middle book of a trilogy.

What you need to understand about the apocalypse is that you aren't Mad Max. You're part of the skull pyramid in the background.
(This post was last modified: 28-01-2011 11:52:08 by MaszaH.)
28-01-2011 11:37:30
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